I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Jerry, you need to find god
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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