Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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