I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
