You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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