The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
