You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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