Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
