when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
a search helicopter?!
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
