I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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