i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It's shark week go big or go home
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
