Having a random hookup so left but love u
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
