I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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