youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
