Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
