I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
This is classic penis vs brain.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize