dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
