By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
