So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
