Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I think my vagina is haunted
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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