I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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