his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
