If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
