I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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