Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
