24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
