A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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