he puts the penis in happiness.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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