ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
