No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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