Well douche your snatch and let's go!
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I would fuck him just for his dog
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
