My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
