why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
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