Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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