The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
