I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
