respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
