You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize