Michael Bay diarrhea
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Alive.
So much puke
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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