I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
