I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
her facebook's as public as her vagina
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
