the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
