New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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