i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Randomize
