what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
