You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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