Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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