...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
