Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Randomize
