Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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