so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i came on her dog
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
