I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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