her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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