can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize