I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
