Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
being pregnant is like rehab
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
