He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
