I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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