Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
