Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
