i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
