Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
